The Law of Attraction in Relationships

Learning about the LOA made me realize that I will never be able to exert enough control on another person to make them do whatever it is I wanted so that I could FEEL better. I don't have to try to control someone or the conditions around me to feel good, that's pretty exhausting anyways! My only job is to control my vibrations, what I am sending out into the world, and that's going to determine what I'm getting back.

Studying the LOA has given me true freedom in that I used to try to control my partner or the people around me and now, I know that all I have to do is control my words, thoughts, feelings and vibrations and by doing that, I'll only be activating the parts of them that I want to see and experience. For my relationships, it has been like a miracle! And the thing is, in each of those relationships, there are still have those things within each one of us that could really, really annoy and bother us and make us angry and we could begin to complain about them and let the resentment grow, but I now know how to control what I bring out of the people around me. By not looking at, or giving my focus of attention to the things I don't want to activate in them! I only focus on the things I like about the other person, and now, those are the only things in my experience with them. When you change the focus of your attention about the people around you, you only see the things you focus on. It's a little like magic!

And something my partner and I have really learned to do is when either one of is in a bad mood, or just feeling bad for whatever reason, my partner doesn't join in the feeling bad and commiserate, and help the problem to grow. You know, like saying "Hey, are you ok, what's wrong? Tell me ALL about it." No, now if one of us wants to briefly address something that's bothering us (and it could be about the other one, or about something at work, or whatever the subject), we'll talk about it briefly, which is fine, but we won't let each other to just go on and on and on. It's short, to the point and over. When I get annoyed with him or someone around me, I can now stop myself and say, "Hey, if I look at that, it's going to grow and I'll get more of that, so why don't I go over here and focus on what I do like and appreciate about this person?"

Another thing about relationships is that you must put your relationship with yourself before your relationship with anyone else. Being selfish is not a bad thing, and I don't mean only caring about yourself to the detriment of others. When you are really connected to Who-You-Really-Are, and to the higher vibrating emotions of love and appreciation, you naturally don't do anything to hurt other people. Unless you have a healthy view of yourself, unless you care and nurture yourself first, you won't have anything to give at all anyways, and you won't be able to allow anything you want into your life. Have you noticed that people who are not selfish and don't allow themselves to be who they want to be are, they ones who are the most judgmental towards others? When someone disapproves of something within themselves and restricts it, they cannot stand or tolerate seeing people around them living freely as they want to! So now I'm totally "selfish" and I respect other people's "selfishness". This in itself is completely freeing!

When someone disapproves of you, it is really their "perceived lack" that they are projecting onto you. It's not really about you, it's about them. And in the same way, when we disapprove of someone, it is really usually our own stuff we are putting on them. When you give your attention to what they're doing that you don't like or you get upset at them for what they're doing, or you're feeling annoyed, you'll just attract more of that same negative vibration from that person, and you'll end up attracting more people who make you feel the same annoyed, or judged or angry way.

When you apply the LOA, you find you have the power to control your interactions with others. And you learn to ignore those things about them you don't like and even ignore when they have "helpful suggestions" or things to say which may have hurt you in the past. You realize that's their stuff, not yours!

There's a wonderful story attributed to the Buddha:

Buddha was traveling in the company of several other people. One of the travelers begins to test Buddha by responding to anything he has to say with disparaging, insulting, hurtful remarks. Every day for the next three days, this traveler just verbally abuses Buddha, calling him a fool, arrogantly ridiculing him in any way he can.

Finally, after three days of this, the rude traveler can stand it no longer! He asks Buddha, "How can you continue to be so kind and loving when all I've done for the last three days is dishonor, offend and try to find ways to hurt you? Each time I try to hurt you, you respond in a kind manner? How can this be?!"

The Buddha responded with a question for his fellow traveler, "If someone offers you a gift, and you do not accept that gift, to whom does the gift belong?"

So when somebody outside of ourselves offers us a "gift" of their insults or hurtful remarks, we can choose whether or not to accept these "gifts". If we don't accept them, those "gifts" still belong to whoever was trying to "give" them. So we don't have to be upset or angry about something that belongs to someone else. When you know you are going to see someone with whom you've had difficult or unpleasant interactions, or you just want everything to go smoothly and be fun, try to Pre-Seed the experience. You know how when you plant something in a garden, there are certain things you do to make sure the earth is ready. You prepare the soil, you make sure the nutrient level is perfect; you find a place that has the right amount of sun and shade. That way, when you do plant the seeds, whatever you planted will grow beautiful, healthy and strong.

Well, you can do the same thing when you know you are going to see someone who you've had problems with in the past or you just want to have a good time. Pre-seed the whole experience. Begin before you know you're going to see the person by saying to yourself the things about that person that are good and that you can appreciate. Sometimes, it can be difficult at first for people to say something good about a person they've had problems with, but you've got to find anything you can appreciate about the other person, just get creative and even if it has to be general, that's fine. Then imagine the whole interaction you'll have with that person as going really smoothly, going really well, better than it has before.

This is a way you can give the focus of your attention to what you do want and you shift your awareness to create only that. And it helps when you are doing this to imagine that your thoughts are a magnet. That whatever you are thinking is what you'll bring to you. Because if you think about all the times in the past that you had a negative interaction with this person, you're just bringing more of that and that is what you'll experience.

I did this recently with a family member I hadn't seen in a long time. When I knew I was going to see her, I rolled my eyes and thought, "Great, do I really have to see her?" I hadn't enjoyed my interactions with her for the last few years. I felt judged by her and I was hurt by my perception of what had once been a great relationship which had become strained. I decided to do the work before I saw her (and become a Divine Scientist and do an LOA experiment with it!) I wrote in my Journal of Appreciation all the things I could think of that that I could appreciate about her. I also imagined a smooth interaction when we did see each other. I imagined no awkward moments and I held her in a space of love and appreciation. When the time to see her did come, it was truly magical! We had so much fun talking and I never once felt the judgment or the awkward moments! When I left, I remember saying, "I wonder why I don't see her more often! That was really fun!" What a lesson for me about the power I have to create my reality.

So for today, notice what you're getting in your relationships. If it isn't what you want, try appreciating the things in those other people around you and try pre-seeding your interactions with them!